Dwell

dwell.

Jenny set me up with this amazing travel journal before my trip. On random pages she included notes from friends and different verses from the Bible. I thought I had scoured the whole thing and found all notes/verses/etc. but was was surprised and delighted to find one I previously missed.

'Trust in the Lord and do good;
DWELL in the land
and enjoy safe pasture.'

I have mentioned before that one part of this journey is seeking to be rather than do, that I had a strong sense that these several months were God's gracious and generous gift of Sabbath for me. For an American, it can become difficult to simply be - I am learning specifically how difficult this is for me. And I am surprised. For the first time in my adolescent through adult life, I am not actively participating in 'official' ministry - pushing myself to love others in an 'official' capacity in Jesus' name. Though I have known for years that God's love for me is not dependent on my work for him nor does it wane because of poor actions - it supercedes these things - I currently have this weird creeping, seeping nag of guilt. As though I should be PRODUCING something for God. Like, he must not be all that happy with me because I am not DOING for him in an official capacity. Geez, this is so crazy. And so interesting that I am having to unlearn this idea that God loves me more if I produce something. When He says he simply loves me because I am me. And so I consider the idea: DWELL. What does it mean to dwell? To be where you are?

I am reading this book for the 2nd time, which I love, Sabbath Keeping by Lynne M. Baab. And I read this yesterday:

"As long as we are working hard, using our gifts to serve others, experiencing joy in our work along with the toil, we are always in danger of believing that our actions trigger God's love for us. Only in stopping, really stopping, do we teach our hearts and souls that we are loved apart from what we do."

"On the Sabbath we can ... simply enjoy what is."

And now an excerpt from my sweet little travel journal (geez blogs are so weird, please feel free NOT to read this):
Jesus, please bring me back to center. To the origin of this journey when I believed this 4 month period was a gift of sabbath from you. Thank you for the reminder.
Dwell. I ask for the ability to dwell.
To really be right where I am rather than race on to the next thing.

And whoever you are reading this, I pray that you are able to breathe some sort of sigh of relief because God loves you not for what you do or what you don't do, but because you simple are. Love and peace to you. And rest.