It Doesn't Change WHO He Is

The holidays seem to act as an amplifier.  If things are going generally going well in life, around Christmastime, they're going great!  If you're in a season where things are a bit of a downer in general, Christmastime can send sharp pangs of "what is not" and feel as though "will never be."

A week ago I had the privilege of attending a memorial service for a woman I never met whose life and legacy will live far beyond her time on earth.  I sat and listened to stories of deep and kooky love for others, a heart and mind committed to serving, and hilarious tales of a woman who seemed, for lack of a better term, "a force."  I got the impression that her community is grieving deeply for the loss of this pillar.  In a short google search, I found this article, which confirmed my hunch.

Her children each stood and eulogized their mother with depth, poise, and laughter.  They were honest about the heartfelt sadness each is experiencing.  For me, the most poignant moment came as her fifty-ish cowboy husband, tall and lean, spoke to God and opened the service.  His voice thick with emotion, he offered these measured words:

"Father, we're pretty tore up down here.  [Beat]  But that doesn't change who ya are."

If only I was able to lean into WHO He is...  To receive my identity.  To let go of things that do not matter.  To walk in His acceptance.  For the ability to love beyond irritation and disappointment and anger.  To follow through with things that feel tiresome.  To receive the truth that I am NEVER alone.

I spend a great deal of time attempting to reconcile what I know of God's promises with the blaring reality of pain and backwardness and loss on earth.  But perhaps they just don't reconcile.  The truth remains that things are 'pretty tore up down here' and yet also, He does not change.  All that He is and all that He promises, ARE ALSO TRUE.  For the past couple of years I've been pretty into the idea that life is not a 60/40, 80/20 even balance of light and dark, pain and joy.  Rather, I believe that life is 100/100 of opposite entities crashing into and swirling around one another.  It is in this reality that Jesus comes. Emmanuel comes.  His presence nor His character CHANGE with shifting circumstance.

I thought about this a little more.  Thing above and things below do not reconcile.  And this then is the beauty and power of Emmanuel, who is "reconciling the world to Himself" where truly, the world cannot overcome its own. [2 Cor. 5:18-20]

And so as the holiday season amplifies, I think of dear friends who are navigating deep loss.  A community in Connecticut relearning Christmas, who would probably rather not relearn Christmas without their loved ones.  I experience Christmas without j.horne9, thankful He is safe, who is flying over tropical sea elsewhere and serving us from afar.  We're pretty tore up down here, but it doesn't change WHO HE IS.  Emmanuel, God with us.

In celebration of Bethaney Swanson.  A woman who lived loudly and loved fiercely.  What a gift.